(UPBEAT LATIN MUSIC)
MAN: The story begins right here on this bus.
Line 1 44. The same route I took every day.
- Yee-ha! (LAUGHING) - MAN: But this day was different.
Something was about to happen that would change my life forever.
First, let me tell you how things were... before all this.
(FILM PROJECTOR WHIRRING)
(MOOING)
MAN: Didn't have all that much growing up.
Just me...
...my mom...
...my dad...
...and 60 acres of farmland.
I lived a simple life.
But sometimes, the simplest things are the best things.
Like going undefeated my senior year
and winning the state championship off my corner route in the end zone.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Or falling in love with Lindsay, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
Can't you just tell them that you changed your mind?
I can't do that, baby. I already enlisted.
Hey... I promise it'II be real quick.
I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna take care of business and I'II be right back.
You have my word.
Promise?
I promise.
MAN: Then suddenly, things weren't so simple anymore.
(ROCK MUSIC)
(RAPID GUNFIRE NEARBY)
MAN: I headed off to Vietnam to fight for my country.
I spent seven years there, six of them in the jungle...
-...and one year in a POW camp. - (ELECTRICITY SIZZLING)
(GASPING)
(PANTING)
Is that all you got, pendejos?
- (MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY) - (RAPID GUNFIRE NEARBY)
MAN: Probably would have stayed longer, too...
(YELLS)
Man down!
MAN:...if I hadn't gotten shot.
- (MEN SHOUTING) - (EXPLOSION, RAPID GUNFIRE)
But throughout it all, the only thing that kept me going
was knowing that I was gonna see Lindsay again.
Mommy, I'm hungry.
Mommy, can you make us Iunch?
MAN: I figured I'd apply to the police academy.
It made sense with my military experience.
I felt lost. Didn't know where I fit in anymore.
So what type of business experience do you have?
Well... not much experience, really, to be honest.
Since I graduated high school,
I've been in active combat duty serving my country.
That really took up most of my time.
We're really in the market for a college graduate.
You didn't happen to take advantage of the GI Bill?
Actually, I have just been informed the position was filled.
MAN: I soon realized that no one was willing to give me a chance.
I had to create an opportunity for myself.
Thank you, sir, I appreciate your business. God bless.
- How are you, sir? - Good, good.
What can I get for you? One? AII right. Ketchup? Mustard?
Beautiful day, huh? (CHUCKLES)
AII right. There we go.
Here's your change, sir.
God bless you. Have a nice day.
MAN: While I was creating that opportunity...
...Iife somehow slipped away from me.
(SIGHS)
(SOBBING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)
One, two, three, go!
MAN: But life has a way of kicking you in the ass every once in a while.
And on this day, it kicked me pretty hard.
Yee-ha! (LAUGHING)
Hey, old man, you mind moving? We gotta sit together.
Hey! OId fucker!
You deaf? I'm talking to you.
Move that geriatric ass before I kick it.
How about you just Ieave me alone?
Ooh!
- You believe this guy? - (LAUGHS)
You got balls, old man. That's respectable.
But now you're wasting my time,
so why don't you get the fuck out of my seat?
(LAUGHING)
You crazy fucking spear chucker.
There's two seats in back. Take 'em. But Ieave him alone.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Stand up, asshole.
I don't want any trouble. Leave me alone.
I can kick your ass while you're sitting down or while you're standing up.
It's your call.
- Fuck his shit up, Raymond! - Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
(BONES CRACKING)
(PASSENGERS MURMURING)
I told you I didn't wanna fight. I fucking told you!
MAN: Since that day, nothing's been the same.
- (PEOPLE CHEERING) - (HIP-HOP MUSIC)
Holy shit.
(CHUCKLING)
That's awesome!
(FIGHT SOUNDS ON COMPUTER)
Man, this old guy's bad ass.
Miller, Steve-O, come over here. Come take a Iook at this.
WOMAN ON TV: He's a senior citizen, he's been given the name "Bad Ass"
and he's a huge hit on the Web right now. He gives people hope.
There's even a T-shirt with his face on it.
MAN: All of a sudden, people started caring about me.
I started fitting in again. People wanted to be with me.
Cops were even taking me on drive-alongs.
It's like I'm this famous guy or something.
That's been the weird part. It's taken some getting used to.
Now you've been deemed a hero, Mr. Vega.
How does that make you feel, especially at your age?
Well, I don't think I'm a hero. I'm just a guy...
...making $500 a month on disability, trying to fit in.
You must be very proud of your son, Mrs. Vega.
Oh, you'd better believe it. I am always proud of my boy.
If this world had more people like my son...
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I love you... (SPEAKS SPANISH, SINGS INDISTINCTLY)
FRANK: Mom!
This boy.
She's not biased or nothing.
MOTHER: My son.
MAN: And none has mastery over the day of death.
For the Lord of all shows no partiality,
nor does he fear greatness,
for He Himself made the great as well as the small.
He provides for all equally...
...and the dust shall return to the earth from whence it came...
...and the Iife breath return to the Lord who gaveth it.
AII right. It's gonna be all right, man. It's gonna be all right, Biscuit.
It's your mama, I know.
From the Iast will and testament, dated February 1 5, 201 0:
"I, Juanita Lupe Vega, bequeath my china pattern,
stainless steel cutlery, and Ginsu knives to my favorite charity,
the Church of Latter Day Angel.
And to my boy, Frank, whom I loved with all my heart till the day I died,
I leave you my house, my jewelry, my wardrobe... "
- (SIREN CHIRPS) - Hey.
"...and of course,
- my beloved dog, Baxter. " - What are you doing?
- You robbing houses now, Vega? - A man's gotta make a Iiving some way.
(CHUCKLES)
My condolences about your mom.
The boys at the station, they send their best.
- I appreciate that. - We got you this.
(CHUCKLING)
- I didn't know how good-Iooking I was. - Yeah, me neither.
Hey, if you need anything, give me a call.
- Thanks, bro. - AII right, brother. Call me.
(CHUCKLES)
"Bad Ass." (LAUGHS)
Come on, Baxter.
My administration has organized a new initiative,
which we are calling "Operation Street Cleaning. "
We've also enhanced and increased local law enforcement,
in order to rid our neighborhoods of crime and gang-related activity.
It is the top priority of this administration to return our city
back to the safety it once knew.
Boy, what you carrying in this box? A dead body and a watermelon?
- No, that's my entertainment Iibrary. - Entertainment?
Behind the Green Horse. Is that new?
- You haven't seen that? - No.
- Check that out tonight. - Oh, I just might do that.
You know what? AII this moving is making me thirsty. We bring any beer?
You're in charge of beer. I'm in charge of entertainment.
Man, I know there's something around here somewhere.
We, ladies and gentlemen, are going to unite,
and make this the strongest and the safest community in this county.
I know my mama wouldn't Ieave a dry house.
MAN ON TV: You have my word.
Hoo-ah!
Holy shit.
Biscuit and KIondike gonna have booze tonight.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Yeah. Thank you, Mama.
(KLONDIKE LAUGHING) I was running fast as I could, man.
I mean, that woman kept catching up to me.
I mean, I run the 1 00-yard dash, for Christ sakes,
trying to get away from this woman.
I've never seen you run so fast in your Iife.
She Iooked Iike a hooker to me, man. She came on to me, too.
You know, them Vietnamese are tricky motherfuckers,
making their soldiers Iook Iike whores and shit.
KIondike, she weighed 200 pounds and had a machine gun strapped on her neck.
It was dark, motherfucker. (LAUGHING)
I couldn't see shit. I just followed my nose.
My nose Ied me to pussy and my nose don't discriminate pussy.
Where's Baxter, man?
I thought he would've Iicked that plate clean by now.
Baxter probably Iocked himself in the closet again.
What the hell's he doing in there? Ah...
- Rubbing one out, ain't he? - (BOTH LAUGHING)
No.
He's probably... He just Iikes his quiet time Iike his daddy.
Yeah. His daddy. His daddy's a good guy.
Thank you, man.
- For what? - For Ietting me move in with you.
You've been there for me the whole time, man. You're a damn good friend.
- I mean that. - KIondike.
You and Baxter are the only family I got.
You saved my Iife. I owe you.
You know what?
I see...
...really good changes for you and me, Biscuit.
- Take my word for it. - It's a Iong time coming.
You know, people talk about having the best days of their Iives.
I'm still waiting for mine.
The past 40 years, I've felt Iike a bouncing ball.
No stability in my Iife.
But... I think the bouncing's slowing down.
I'm turning over a new Ieaf.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna find the best day of my Iife.
Here's to finding the best days of our Iives, Biscuit.
Do me a solid, will you?
Put this in your mother's safe deposit box, will you please?
- What the fuck is this? - It's a flash drive.
- A flash drive? - That's right.
I got a Iot of important stuff on there.
What, you know all about that computer shit?
My ass is trying to Iearn. And when I Iearn, I'm gonna teach you.
Nah, not me. I'm not interested.
One of these damn days, you're gonna have to step out of the '70s.
No. Uh-uh.
Those were beautiful times.
You didn't have to deal with all this shit.
Suicide bombings and taking your shoes off at the airport.
No, you gotta watch it. There's a Iot of crazy shit out there.
Well, that's what's going on now. We gotta get your ass into this century.
I'm gonna make that my mission while we're Iiving together.
Now put that in your mama's safe deposit box, please.
Got it.
OK. AII right.
Oh, shit. I'm out of smokes, man. I'm gonna go out.
You know, my mom Ieft a brand-new carton of Newports right there in the kitchen.
I don't wanna smoke that menthol shit. I'm gonna go get me my Camels.
Yeah. (GROANS)
Oh, son of a... (CHUCKLES)
- OK? - Don't go stepping on no Iandmine, huh?
(CHUCKLES) You watch out for the machine guns.
(DOOR SLAMS)
To Baxter and KIondike. (LAUGHS)
(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(HUMMING)
Ooh... OK, gonna call her back.
Hey!
What's happening, Sebastian? Terence?
You're a hard man to find, KIondike.
What, you don't answer your cell phone anymore?
Ah, sh... What can I tell ya, man? Look here, the ringer's turned off.
What can I tell ya?
See what I'm saying?
My man here got jokes. You doing some stand-up now?
You know what we want, gramps.
Give it up.
I'm drawing a blank, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
You still having a tough time remembering now, motherfucker?
Whoa, whoa! (LAUGHS)
I got the goddamn thing right here, man.
(GRUNTING)
- (LAUGHS) - (GUNSHOT)
(GROANING)
You had to do it the hard way.
- Motherfucker. - (DISTANT SIRENS)
Sebastian, Ieave him! The cops are coming, we gotta go!
- Where is that shit? - Let's get the fuck out of here, c'mon!
Shit!
Just get in the fucking car.
- Let's go, come on! - (ENGINE STARTS)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Yeah, this is Frank Vega.
Frank Vega? Can I get you to sign these releases?
You're that guy from the bus, huh?
Yeah, I guess so.
Haven't been beating up on anyone else, have you?
I'm really not a violent guy.
Sorry about your friend.
You're gonna get those scumbags, aren't you?
We're gonna do our best.
(DOOR CHIMES)
That's $1 2.59.
You know what? I'm a Iittle short.
Can you spot me a couple bucks until tomorrow?
Did you see a Salvation Army sign in front of my store?
You know, I just moved into the neighborhood.
I'II be by tomorrow and pay you the rest.
Look, buddy, I can barely pay the rent as it is.
I mean, I got no cash. I'm a hard-working man.
- Besides, I can't be giving stuff away. - (DOOR CHIMES)
Nobody move! Give me what's in that register!
Now! Let's go!
- Hey, he don't got no money, man. - Did you say something, old man?
Hey, why don't you guys just Ieave?
I ain't going anywhere, old man.
(GRUNTING)
Oh, Mr. Vega.
We're so sorry about the passing of your friend.
Thank you.
My brother was murdered two blocks away from where your friend was killed.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
See, we are never gonna be safe in our own neighborhood.
And no one's doing a damn thing about it.
You know, police are doing everything they can.
Fuck, no! We need real help.
Those motherfuckers are as crooked as all hell.
I'm sorry, baby.
God bless you, Mr. Vega.
Thank you. Good night, Iadies.
Why you Mexicans drink that crap? Is that the official drink of the cholo?
Well, what should I be drinking?
Malt Liquor, ripple, grape soda or Kool-Aid?
Why you have to get all racist and shit?
Oh, shit! You're that Bad Ass dude from the bus, right?
Yeah.
You a tough ass geezer. You knocked the hell out that Nazi motherfucker.
Give you props for that.
You know, kid, you got the mouth of a truck driver.
- What the fuck you talking about? - What the fuck you talking about?
- Is it not cold out here? Huh? - Yeah.
- Then get your ass in the house.
Damn. Love thy neighbor.
Hey, brother. You should have seen the action out there tonight.
- You up for a ride-along? - Not tonight.
You're turning down a ride-along?
- I got some shit I gotta do. - Oh, yeah, I can see that.
- That bottle? - No, that's a priority.
Oh.
I just came from the Iiquor store.
Looked Iike you wiped your ass with those guys.
- Fucking scumbags. - Yeah, I know, Frank.
But you have a penchant for getting involved in these altercations.
I think it's time for you to chill out.
Violence just seems to follow me.
Yeah, Charles Bronson, I get it.
Just, um...
...scale it back for me.
They find the guys that killed KIondike yet?
(SIGHING) They're working on it.
Come on, you know how these things work.
There's more homicides than there are investigators. You gotta have patience.
Now that sounds Iike a crock of shit.
I'II check on it.
Meanwhile, I will be swinging by tomorrow and you will ride with me.
No excuses, Vega.
MAN ON RADIO: Car 245 responding to possible 415.
Additional units requested.
MAN ON TV: Stevens dumps it in. Norris goes after it.
Gets checked at the blue line...
- MAN:... the window. And you set it... - CROWD: And forget it!
MAN: And that'll be done in about 40 min...
Within a 24 hour period, local investigators have arrested
what seems to be the prime suspect in the Justin Wheely murder case.
Justin was violently beaten and then stabbed to death late last night
after he wouldn't give up his wallet.
The police chief congratulated the 20 investigators
who worked around the clock to solve this crime.
We're doing the best we can, Mr. Vega.
- That's not good enough. - I'm afraid it is.
Yeah, I guess it would be if KIondike was a different shade.
You'd already probably caught the bastards.
- You inferring I'm a racist, Mr. Vega? - Yeah, I am.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm Indian.
You're a wolf in sheep's clothing. You're just part of the system, man.
Look, Vega, I understand Mr. Washington was a friend of yours,
but you can't Iet your emotions get in the way of what we're trying to do here.
Let us do our job, OK?
Now, if you'II excuse me, I have work to get back to.
(MEN CHATTERING)
MAN: Ahh!
MAN: Double or nothing, double or nothing.
Ready?
- (MEN EXCLAIM) - Get it! Get some!
Best out of five, best out of five.
- Come on. - (MEN LAUGHING)
(DOWN-TEMPO HIP-HOP)
(GRUNTING)
It's from an M9 Beretta.
Probably from a 1 5-round staggered magazine.
- Sell any of those Iately? - No, man.
This is government-issued Armed Forces shit.
I rarely see this stuff.
Any other store around here that does?
I'm pretty much the only game in town, you know?
I'd Iike to keep it that way.
Nice piece of jewelry.
If you're interested in selling that...
...I'd give you $50 for it.
- That your daughter? - No.
I was gonna say it kind of Iooks Iike this girl who goes to our church.
- You know her? - She's friendly with the wife.
- You think this is hers? - Eh, probably her husband's.
He's a... He's a black guy. Good-Iooking fella.
You know where I could find him?
Well, they just Iive a few blocks over there on Seventh.
There's a yellow pick-up on the front Iawn there.
- Can't miss it. - Thanks, partner.
Hey, man.
Be careful. There's a Iot of fucking idiots out there.
- (KNOCKING) - Yes, can I help you?
Is your husband available?
- And who are you? - Uh, I'm a friend of his.
He Ieft this over at my place a couple days ago.
You know what?
You go tell that son of a B-I-T-C-H that he's got three kids and a wife
wondering when the hell he's coming home.
I don't mean to be nosy, but when's the Iast time you saw him?
I probably saw Terence over a week ago.
My girlfriends tell me they see him playing basketball at 22nd Street Park.
He's got kids crying for his daddy,
- and he's playing basketball. - (CHILD FUSSING)
Yeah, mi amor, yeah, I know you're hungry. I'II get you something.
You know what, man? I gotta go, OK?
But if you happen to find that C-O-C-K-S-U-C-K-E-R,
tell him to go fuck himself.
(EXHALES)
(MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
(UP-TEMPO HIP-HOP)
- Backdoor, backdoor, backdoor! - (MAN GRUNTS)
Backdoor, backdoor! Hey!
- Ball, ball, ball! - Take him backdoor. Backdoor, backdoor!
- MAN: God damn it. - MAN 2: Damn!
Anybody know where I can find Terence?
Why don't you ask your mama?
He probably cock slammed her this morning.
- (ALL LAUGHING) - MAN: Damn!
- Hey, give me the ball, bitch. - I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Anybody know where I can find Terence?
Who the fuck do you think you are, you old motherfucker?
Either give me the ball or I'm gonna kill your ass.
You know, I don't hear too good.
I messed up my hearing at a Santana concert in '74.
Step in here so I can hear you. I can't...
You believe this crazy son of a bitch?
- (CLANGS) - MEN: Ooh...
(GRUNTING)
(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
OK, whoa, wait a minute, man. Calm down, all right? He ain't here, man.
- Where is he? - I don't know.
He private with his shit. He run with some boys across town, that's it.
Where across town?
Ask for Renaldo, 85th Street Apartments.
He knows where Terence is.
Thank you, fellas. Appreciate your cooperation. AII of you.
- (MEN GROANING) - Shit.
That was Iuck.
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Oh, Father, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were a priest!
You picked the wrong apartment to rob, asshole!
Wait, wait, stop, stop!
- I don't wanna rob anybody. - (GRUNTING)
- Where's Renaldo? - (CHOKING) I can't breathe!
I have no idea. I have no idea where he is.
Jesus! Look, he's my roommate, he's never here.
What, are you trying to fucking kill me?
- What kind of priest are you? - I'm not a priest, you idiot.
I'm playing one at the Jewish community center musical.
And thanks to you, I'm gonna be Iate for my fucking rehearsal. (GASPS)
OK, then. Where's Renaldo?
AII right! AII right! AII right!
He hangs out at the Velvet Scorpion.
He's there every morning. I swear, he's gonna be there tomorrow.
You know, man, you make a terrible priest.
I have on my staff 1 1 aides,
all of whom perform their tasks in glorious concert.
There's not a moment of my day
where I don't feel completely secure about my political future.
And then there's you, Panther...
...who is single-handedly trying to destroy what took me 33 years to build.
Oh, come on, Mayor. There's nothing being destroyed.
This ain't no WikiLeaks. It's Iike a Ieak in your mama's sink.
You know, we'II plumb the shit up.
That supposed to make me feel better?
I'm running for reelection in 90 days
and I've got accessible confidential information of mine
out there on the streets?
I can assure you, there's no problem.
- Shit, I own the streets. - There's a problem, asshole.
There's a fucking problem, 'cause your bros fucked up.
How do you take a guy out before you get my drives back first?
There was some internal incompetent shit on our part.
But I can assure you we're all tee'd up. It won't happen again.
No, it won't happen again because if it does,
your services are terminated.
That's just the beginning of what we're gonna start terminating around here.
And now we got this freaking geriatric going around,
- kicking everybody's fucking asses. - Bad Ass.
- Excuse me? - Bad Ass.
That's what they're calling him.
Who gives a fuck what they're calling him?
- He's a pain in my fucking ass. - There's nothing to worry about.
He's just an old motherfucker Iooking for some revenge. We got him dialed in.
I don't wanna have to worry about this shit anymore
because Iet me tell you something,
there's hundreds of bottom-drain feeders out there would Iove to be on my payroll
doing the freaking job you're supposed to be doing.
You clean your shit up, Panther.
And I mean now.
We're done here.
And enough with the Iong text messages.
And what's up with those fucking happy faces? I hate that shit.
Here, dear, Iet me give you a hand with that.
- Oh... (STAMMERS) Very sweet of you. - OK.
Are those your keys? Give me your keys.
- Thank you. - You want that in the trunk?
- Yes. - OK.
(MEN SHOUTING)
- Bad Ass! Hey! - Bad Ass!
What's up, homies? How you doing?
- (GUNFIRE) - Down!
You messed with the wrong white boys, you fuck!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
- Yeah! Shended that asshole! - MAN: Yeah!
- Woo! - Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Are you OK? - Oh, wonderful.
I haven't had a man handle me Iike that in 45 years.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON TV)
MAN ON TV: Yo, yo, yo, I got the TV!
That's some good chicken. You want a piece?
(EXHALES)
You're all I got now, boy. It's just me and you now, fella.
Just me and you.
- What's up, bitch? - (LAUGHING)
If it's not my favorite black midget.
Tell me something. How hard was it Iiving in a world without phones?
We had Western Union.
How hard was it when your career tanked after Diff'rent Strokes?
- What you talkin' about? - Willis.
- What? - From the show.
- "What you talkin' about, Willis?" - (WOMAN SHOUTING)
I'm so goddamned tired of carrying the burden of this family.
- And all you do is complain! - Well, you're the Iazy motherfucker
who can't keep... What, you're gonna hit me out here?
- MAN: How's your nose? - WOMAN: Go! You need to Ieave.
- Why don't you keep a fucking job?! - (CAR DOOR SLAMMING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
And you better not come back here, either.
I Iive here. I own the house, bitch!
Mama.
You're Ieaking.
Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm OK. - No, you're not.
- Yeah, I think I am. Thank you. - Actually, you're not.
I got a first aid kit inside. Let's get you cleaned up.
You don't want him to see you Iike that.
OK, here, now you gotta keep this on at Ieast 20 minutes.
WOMAN: OK, so what, now you're a doctor?
No, my mom was a nurse.
She taught me how to take care of the small stuff.
I filled in for a medic in Vietnam when he got his arm blown off.
Do you want something to eat or drink?
No, no. Actually, I'm good.
You know, I got a couple of Hungry-Man dinners in there that are delicious.
(CHUCKLES) Wow, that's real sweet, Frank,
but we actually ate dinner already, so, we're good.
I mean, they're no Julia Child, but they're really good.
Wow. Look at you. What do you know about Julia Child?
I Iove the Food Channel, but I can't cook worth spit.
I can cook pretty good. Maybe one day I'II make you something to eat.
I'd Iove that.
Oh, you know what? I got something.
Here. These are the bomb.
Oh, no, I'm sorry. Ice cream is my enemy.
No, no, these are Iow fat. Not that you need it.
Did you say "the bomb"?
What, you Iiving in the '90s, fool?
Martin. Stop being rude.
Damn, that's good. Is this the good shit they gave you during the Iast supper?
Boy!
Damn, Mama, you still got skills.
I sure do, and you better not forget it.
(HIP-HOP)
- (LATIN MUSIC PLAYS) - (MEN CHATTERING)
Excuse me. Could any of you gentlemen tell me where I could find Renaldo?
I know what you must be thinking, man.
"Who is this guy, coming in here demanding shit?"
It's just important. I gotta find Renaldo.
- So you're that Bad Ass dude. - No, not really.
Let's see what type of bad ass you are.
(GRUNTING)
- It don't have to be this way. - Oh, yeah, it does.
(COUGHING)
MAN: Get out of the way!
- (GRUNTS) - (YELLS)
AII right, amigo, calm down! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Renaldo, he's upstairs. Just stop fucking up my bar.
(EXHALES)
Thanks for the help. I appreciate that.
(FAINT DANCE MUSIC)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Yo, what the fuck, man?
I just need to ask you some questions about your friend Terence.
- I don't think you're gonna have time. - (WOMEN WHIMPERING)
- Where the fuck is Terence? - (WOMAN SCREAMS)
- What the fuck, man?! - The problem, Renaldo,
is that I have a bad case of bursitis.
- Cocksucker! - What's bursitis, you ask?
It's an inflammation of the joints that doesn't allow me
- to hold onto anything too Iong. - Fuck you, man!
- (GRUNTS IN PAIN) - (SCREAMS)
- Holy shit! - See? That was my good hand.
OK, OK, OK, OK!
Terence hangs out with this bitch named Tatiana
down at the massage parlor on 1 0th Street, all right?
That's all the fuck I know! Now help me up!
Yeah, that wasn't hard, was it?
You asshole! Don't fuckin' Ieave me out here!
- RENALDO: Come on! - Sorry for the interruption, Iadies.
Oh. Tell Renaldo to put this on my tab.
Hey.
Are you stalking me or something?
What, a friend can't stop by and say hello?
Come on, ride shotgun with me.
You're not gonna hit on me again, are you?
Jesus Christ, get in the car.
(ENGINE STARTS)
So, what've you been up to?
Ah, same old, you know.
Really? That's not what I've been hearing.
Don't know what you're talking about.
They say you've been Ieaving a bloody trail all across the city.
Doesn't sound familiar to me.
Frank, the police chief was this close to issuing a warrant for your arrest.
- I had to talk him off the Iedge. - Arrest? Arrest me for what?
- For doing his job? - OK, see, that's the thing, Frank.
You're not supposed to do their job. You're supposed to stay the fuck away.
You know what? Pull over.
- What? - Pull the fuck over.
You know, I know you're trying to do the best for me,
but I can't stand around and watch a bunch of assholes do nothing
- about my best friend being killed. - (SIGHS)
Frank, you're getting in over your head here, all right?
You're to the point now where even I can't help you.
I don't want your help.
- You've got something of ours! - (GASPING) What?!
The flash drive, asshole. Your boy took it from us.
What the fuck's a flash drive?
It's an inch-Iong storage device that uses solid-state memory
to store persistent data from your computer. Where is it?
Oh, that. (GASPING)
That's in... your ass.
What the fuck?!
(GRUNTING)
Motherfucker.
(GRUNTS)
Next time call before you drop by.
What's up, cracker?
Hey, kid, do you know anything about flash drives?
Crestview? That's our hood.
FRANK: City permits?
"Panther"?
What the hell was KIondike involved in?
I'd Iike to set up a massage with Tatiana.
OK, right.
I want you to know this is my first massage ever.
A virgin? I'm honored.
Wow. You've got great hands.
- So do we know each other? - Excuse me?
- You asked for me. You must know me. - I'm kind of Iooking for someone.
- Who? - Terence.
We broke up.
You know where I could get a hold of him?
Nope.
I... I just realized I'm double booked.
Diane will be here in a few minutes to finish you off.
(DOOR OPENING, CLOSING)
(UNLOCKS GATE)
- (GUN COCKING) - MAN: Lost your keys?
Uh... I'm visiting my girlfriend.
- Do you mind killing that? - Tatiana's your girl?
- Yeah, yeah. For about six months. - Really?
'Cause it kind of Iooked Iike you were trying to break in there.
Trying to surprise her. It's her birthday.
Romantic. You mind stepping up a Iittle closer?
I wanna see who it is I'm shooting.
Hey...
...aren't you that Bad Ass dude?
(CHUCKLES) Holy shit. I'm a huge fan.
The way you kicked the shit out of those a-holes, ah,
that was priceless, man.
You're a tough son of a bitch. Good for you.
I appreciate that. I'm gonna head on inside.
Cool. You keep on kicking ass, my friend.
The world needs people Iike you.
AII right.
Uh...
You know Tatiana keeps the back door open, right?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Thanks.
(MUFFLED GRUNTS, MOANS)
- (MOANING GROWS LOUDER) - TATIANA: Oh, Terence...
MAN: That's what I'm saying. Come on!
- (MOANING) - What's this? Make-up sex?
- Oh, shit! - (SHRIEKS)
- (GUNSHOT) - (SCREAMS)
(YELLS)
Fuck!
You killed my best friend, KIondike Washington.
How do you wanna die, motherfucker?
- (GRUNTS) Fuck you. - OK.
What the fuck you think you're doing, asshole?
- (DISPOSAL WHIRRING) - This might sting a Iittle.
- No! No... - (CRUNCHING)
(SCREAMING)
Stop! Stop!
I didn't kill your friend, man!
- Who did? - (PANTING)
It was Sebastian!
We were just doing what we were fucking told!
- By who? - I can't say!
- Are you sure? - (GASPING) I can't say!
I respect that.
- (CRUNCHING) - (SCREAMING)
It was Panther! It was Panther!
(MOANING)
- Where is he? - (PANTING, GASPING)
I don't know!
That's too bad, because we're really fucking up this kitchen.
(SOBBING) No! OK! OK, OK.
He and Sebastian...
...they'II be at the Bergamont Loft.
- He'II be where? - The Bergamont Loft!
- Fucking tomorrow night, man! - (WHIRRING STOPS)
(SOBBING, PANTING)
I wanna thank you for giving me a hand.
By the way,
your wife's got a message for you. She said, "Go fuck yourself!"
I hope you're a righty.
(SOBBING)
- Thanks, Ronnie. - You got it, Frank.
(INDISTINCT ARGUING)
(ARGUING, SHOUTING CONTINUES)
WOMAN: Get off of me!
Do what I fucking tell you to do, bitch.
You know what? Fuck you, OK? I'm done. Get the fuck out of my...
- Show me some fucking respect. - Fuck you!
- Fuck me? - Yeah.
I wouldn't if I were you.
What the fuck you doing in my house?
Look, I don't want to get into it with you. Just Ieave her alone.
What did you...?
Are you fucking this old man?
Get the fuck... (GRUNTS)
- (STRAINING) - (CRACKING)
Ah! OK!
You don't deserve this family.
- You don't deserve any family. - OK.
Either you straighten your shit up, or get the fuck out of here.
(GROANS) OK! OK!
You want that bitch?
You can fucking have her.
You all right?
Thank you.
It's gonna be OK.
- It's all gonna be OK. - (SNIFFLES)
- I'm sorry. - Don't be sorry.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Where's Martin?
He spent the night over at his friend's house.
Are you gonna be OK?
- I mean, you Iook exhausted. - I didn't get any sleep.
A Iittle tired. Low on blood sugar, I think.
Why don't you go and take a nap, and when you wake up,
maybe I can make you something nice to eat.
Best offer I've had in 20 years.
(LATIN MUSIC PLAYS)
(CHUCKLES)
Wow.
- I clean up good, don't I? - (STAMMERS)
And you brought me flowers.
Thank you.
That is the perfect color on you, Frank.
You know, it's my passion.
Whenever I garden, I always feel Iike I'm at peace.
It's really where I feel the happiest.
You kind of remind me of my mom. She practically Iived in the garden.
She always kept Iike, a beautiful bush.
Wait, I'm sorry, that didn't come out right.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
No, no, no. Hey, hygiene is very important.
That's for sure.
Can I keep these?
Of course.
I know it sounds kind of corny, but I'm a big fan of mementos.
Now...
...every time I Iook at this, I'II think of this moment. Kind of corny, isn't it?
Well, no, actually I think it's kind of sweet.
Wow, a home cooked meal. This is delicious.
This rates up there with Mom's. (CHUCKLES)
Thank you so much.
No, thank you.
I can't tell you how nice it is
to actually cook for someone who appreciates it.
Why did you marry him?
Wait, that's none of my business. I'm sorry.
- Forget... - No, Iook, it's fine.
Hey, I'm a big girl, right?
You know, he was different back then.
And it was fun and it was exciting and...
...I got pregnant with Martin and then we just decided to get married.
To Martin.
(LAUGHING) No, I just thought you were this crazy, hulking angry man
who went around town beating up people.
Well, I have done some things I'm not proud of.
No, what I mean is that I would've never known that underneath
is this sweet and kind and gentle man with a heart of gold.
Well, now you're making me sound Iike some kind of nice guy or something.
You are.
MARTIN: What's up, shorties?
- Hey. - Hi.
Kevin's grounded so his mama sent me home early.
Oh, shit! Pie!
Scoot over! Whatcha...? (MUMBLING) Move.
- OK. - (CHUCKLING)
Oh, I get it. It's Iike a party Iine with computers.
What the hell's a party Iine?
It's where a group of people can call in all at the same time
and talk to each other.
It's kind of amazing. Where have you been, kid?
Man, that's called a conference call. What's wrong with you?
I think you're the only human being on the planet that's not on Facebook.
I hooked you up with an email address,
so if anyone offers a friend request, it'II come straight to your mailbox.
Do you mean Iike people can call up and ask to be my friend?
Maybe. Especially if you get yourself some new clothes.
You Iook Iike a goodwill ambassador for Goodwill.
Are you kidding? These clothes are fresh.
I got a very distinctive style that spans many generations.
Yeah, that's another way of saying you got hand-me-downs, bitch.
That shit you got on Iook Iike it came from your dad
when he fought in the Civil War.
So...
...how Iong you think I'm gonna be Iiving here without a door?
Well, I gotta get some brand-new hinges and I'II fix it in the morning,
but in the meantime, you stay at my house.
- No, Frank, we can't do that. - Oh, yeah, you can.
You bet your ass I ain't sleeping in a house without a door.
What the...? I can't believe this shit.
You already have 50 friend requests... and the shit just keeps going.
Guess I won't be needing those new threads, huh? (CHUCKLES)
- Jesus, Frank. - Thought I'd find you here.
- What is this? - Open it up.
- It's called a flash drive. - Yeah, I know what it's called.
- What's on it? - Some pretty classified stuff.
So classified they killed KIondike for it.
Why don't you and I go get a cup of coffee?
- I got some stuff I gotta take care of. - Frank, what's going on?
- Nothing I can't handle. - Look, you've already done enough.
- Let us handle it from here. - Don't Iet nobody see that.
And if anything should happen to me, take care of Baxter.
Frank.
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Uh, I haven't been to confession since my daddy died, so...
-...cut me a Iittle slack. - (CHUCKLES)
Go ahead. Tell me your sins, my son.
I haven't Iived the greatest Iife.
There's, uh, plenty that I'm not proud of.
But I'm about to do something tonight...
...that will not sit right in the eyes of the Heavenly Father.
What is it, my son?
I'm seeking revenge in the name of my brother.
(DOWN-TEMPO HIP-HOP)
Looking for somebody, OG?
I'm Iooking for Panther.
He's unavailable.
Tell him Frank Vega wants to see him.
PANTHER: Frank Vega,
aka Bad Ass.
The one who sliced off my man's hand
by using a garbage disposal?
I've been waiting for you, ese.
(CHUCKLES)
You're very popular these days, Mr. Vega.
It's very impressive.
But it Iooks Iike you've bitten off a Iittle bit more than you can chew.
You murdered my best friend.
Oh, you make it sound Iike I was at fault here.
Your boy stole from me.
I repay for Ioyalty and I dispose for disloyalty.
Now, I think you have something of mine.
Hand over the drive.
The what?
The flash drive, Vega, hand it over.
What the fuck's a flash drive?
It's an inch-Iong storage device
that uses solid-state memory to store persistent data from your computer.
Oh, flash drive. Where did...?
Oh, yeah, you know, I stuck that up your ass...
- (WATER SPLASHING) - (LAUGHING)
Cock-a-doodle-doo! (LAUGHING)
Rise and shine, big fella.
You feeling a Iittle better now?
Oh, oh...
FIashbacks of Ho Chi Minh City, huh, Vega? (LAUGHS)
We wanted you to relive the salad days of your youth.
Let's give him a taster.
(HUMMING)
- (ELECTRICITY SIZZLING) - (GRUNTING)
(LAUGHING)
PANTHER: Oh, man! Oh, it's refreshing!
What a nice way to end the day, don't you think? (LAUGHING)
Let me explain something to you.
That drive has information regarding a deal I have with the city
to bring in a tremendous amount of revenue.
It's gonna do wonders for this community.
I'm bringing in big change over here, my man.
You'd be doing a public service to return it.
If you call raising crime to chase people out,
so you can build oil wells in their backyards, a public service,
count me out.
PANTHER: AII right.
Let's get down to the brass tacks.
Where... is...
...the motherfucking drive?
It's in... your asshole.
- (ELECTRICITY SIZZLING) - (SCREAMING)
- (ELECTRICITY STOPS) - (PANTING)
Is that all you've got, bitch?
Damn, you old fucks are hard to crack.
Your boy KIondike was the same way. Stubborn motherfuckers.
Well then, Iet's try turning it up to the maximum Ievel,
reserved only for the Iikes of the African bush elephant
and the Siberian moose. Shall we?
- (ELECTRICITY SIZZLING) - (SCREAMING)
AII right!
(FRANK GASPING)
(PANTING, GRUNTING) OK. OK.
Frank, where's the fucking drive?
OK. OK.
AII right. It's... (EXHALING)
It's really up your ass. (PANTING)
I can't do this anymore.
Give me his wallet.
Well, goddamn, bro.
You Iive right up in the motherfucking hood and shit.
There's nothing there. You're wasting your time.
What was that, Vega? Who do you have over there?
Oh, yeah.
You got some Iittle Iady friend over there, Vega?
Well, in that case, I'm gonna go over there myself and check it out.
You're at the end of an era, big Frank.
But I gotta give you respect, man. You're going out Iike a champ.
Continue on without me.
What the...?!
(GRUNTING)
I was wondering when those two were gonna Ieave.
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(FRANK SCREAMS)
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
What's up, buddy? What's going on?
Get the fuck out of here!
Hey!
Hey! That's my bus! What are you doing?
Hey! Hey, man! That's my bus!
Hold it, hold it! (PANTING)
I gotta take your bus. It's a matter of Iife and death.
You're that Bad Ass dude, right?
Yeah, take it. Take it, it's yours, man.
(STAMMERS) You're awesome. I Iove you, man.
You're the best! Enjoy the bus!
(TIRES SQUEALING)
- (TIRES SCREECH) - (HONKING)
Get out of the fucking way!
Oh, shit!
There you are, you son of a bitch.
Creeping up my ass, huh?
- (HONKING) - Out of my way, bitches!
- (GASPING) - (TIRES SQUEALING)
(IMPACTS CONTINUE ON ROOF)
Sorry! I'm out of change!
(TIRES SQUEALING)
Oh, shit!
(BELL CLANGING)
I'm here on behalf of my best friend, KIondike Washington.
You killed him.
How do you wanna die, motherfucker?
Let's do it.
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
- (GASPS) - (TIRES SQUEALING)
How do you Iike that, you cocksucking motherfucker?!
- Oh, sh... - (TIRES SCREECHING)
(TRAIN WHISTLING)
- (GROANING) - (DISTANT SIRENS)
(FRANK GASPING)
(GRUNTING, PANTING)
(SIRENS APPROACHING)
(GASPING)
No, see, 'cause... What the fuck?
I thought we killed you, fucko.
Son of a bitch, this motherfucker won't die.
Well, that's about to change about now.
Come on, give me a break, man.
You have any idea how you've completely messed up our Iives?
Because of you we're a joke. We got kicked out of the brotherhood.
His girlfriend Ieft him.
Yeah, and we're getting bullied by anybody over the age of 60.
AII that viral bullshit? That's about to change.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Let's make a Iittle fucking movie of our own.
- Yeah. - Ready? Action!
(GRUNTING)
- (GUNSHOT) - Ow! You got my foot!
(GROANING)
I can't wait to see what this footage Iooks Iike.
(GROANING)
(WATER RUNNING)
(HUMMING)
How the hell did Frank score a sweet piece of ass Iike you?
Who the fuck are you?
Look, we can make this easy or we can make it hard.
Tell me where that fucking flash drive is!
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know anything about a flash drive.
You wanna make it hard? Then I'm gonna cut your fucking head off!
- (FRANK YELLING) - (BOTH GRUNTING)
(BOTH YELLING)
Motherfucker, your ass is mine now!
- Are you ready for an ass-whipping? - Come on with it.
(GRUNTING)
Shit!
Come on! Get your ass up!
Who's the bad ass now, huh, Frank? It's over!
No, it's over for you, motherfucker!
(GRUNTING)
(SHRIEKS)
You know, I should have cut your fucking head off when I had the goddamn...
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(SLOW-MOTION GROAN)
- Whoo! - (PANTHER GRUNTING, PANTING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
That was for KIondike.
- Bitch. - (CROWD APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
Oh, my God...
- (GROANING) - (PANTING)
(SIRENS IN DISTANCE)
- Are you OK? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Wow. I've never had a woman rescue me before.
Well, I always got my man's back.
I'm just glad that you're OK.
I'm all right.
Oh, Frank, Iook.
- You're Ieaking everywhere. - It's OK.
Let's go get that first aid kit and maybe I'II clean you up this time.
You really fucked him up, huh?
PANTHER: Somebody...
Somebody send... ambulance.
Somebody send an ambulance.
You might remember him as Bad Ass, the bearded hero
who stood up for an elderly gentleman on an SC Transit bus
and became an overnight Internet sensation.
Well, Bad Ass, aka Frank Vega, is back in the news,
as he uncovered one of the city's biggest political corruption scandals
involving Mayor Williams and the most dangerous organized street gang
- in the country. - (REPORTERS CLAMOR)
WOMAN: Mayor, can we have a statement?
I've been targeted by special interest groups who are trying
to destroy my agenda.
I assure you that my name will be cleared of all wrongdoing.
Well then, how do you explain your payroll links to organized crime?
I can assure you that once all of the facts have seen the light of day,
I will be cleared of all charges. That's all I have to say.
Because of his heroic efforts, Vega, who is a decorated Vietnam War veteran
and native of Los Angeles, was made an honorary police officer this morning.
Congratulations, Frank. It's been a long time coming, my man.
WOMAN: Vega was appointed head of community outreach
and will begin his new post, effective immediately.
- Well... I don't know what to say. - (CAMERAS CLICKING)
I've been waiting for this for over 40 years.
I'm very, very proud.
I'd like to thank, uh...
-... Officer Malark... - FRANK: So you got a girlfriend, huh?
MARTIN: Yeah, man, I got two. You know how I be. I'm a player.
- I'm gonna have three next week. - Oh, really? (LAUGHS)
How'd you get him to open up and talk about all his girlfriends?
I tortured him.
Well, why don't you torture him some more? I need more information.
I can't do that. I mean, that's man stuff.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
Well, I hope you men are hungry.
- Starving. (CHUCKLES) - Good.
You know...
...I think I actually found the best day of my Iife.
(POP MUSIC PLAYS)
I think it'd be better if you trimmed that damn beard.
- (LAUGHING) - Martin.
- But he does have a point, Frank. - Hey, I just trimmed it.
- I don't see it. - (LAUGHING)
English - US - SDH